This is very, very common. Your partner knows that you need help, but they are probably viewing therapy like a trip to the doctor- an uncomfortable chore that may reveal more problems. A lot of people express anger, sadness, or numbness when their partner raises the option of couples counseling. These reactions tend to be a mask for fear. They may be afraid of loosing the marriage, they may be afraid of change and insecure about their ability to do the work. With coaching, the experience will feel less intimidating than your partner expects. You can present the initial meeting as something you want to try: “Let’s give it a whirl, I’m curious!” Almost like you’re suggesting trying a new class at the gym.

Also, don’t be disheartened by the fact that you’re the one asking. In most relationships, there is typically one partner that is the initiator of hard things. Don’t let your partner’s hesitation in this instance start to define how you see them overall. In the grand scheme, their hesitation shouldn’t be the thing that stops you from getting through the door.

Teens can be a challenge. They’re minds and bodies are changing faster than they can keep up with, and the world around them, (online, at school, and with friends) bombards them with a million different thoughts every day. Plus, for the first time, their actions have real consequences.

On the one hand, they can see college and independence on the horizon, but on the other, they don’t have enough life experience to navigate challenges easily.

As a parent, you want the best for them, and with all that’s happening in our rapidly-changing world, you worry.

Sometimes it’s helpful to have a trusted adult that your kid can talk to. At times, a teen is more likely to talk to someone outside their family because there are lower stakes. They may not want to worry their parent, or they may be afraid to seem like a disappointment. Maybe their hormones are raging and they don’t even realize that their behavior is causing concern! It’s also possible that they are dealing wth serious depression or other mental health issues.

As a trained therapist, I am able to screen for more serious issues and refer you to the appropriate resources if necessary.

Change is always tough. If this new phase is upsetting the kids, it’s likely that they don’t understand exactly what it means. They are experiencing it, therefore, as something to be feared.

It is important not to overshare, or introduce the kids to a new partner too early. If you’re not ready to commit to this person, the kids are definitely not ready.

For many families, we work collaboratively to come up with a bonding plan. Essentially, we create a flexible timeline and structure for introducing a new partner, and letting the kids have time to form their own relationship with that person. This might mean meeting up at a park or playground on Friday nights so that everyone can get to know each other over an activity. Ultimately, kids want to know that their connection with you will remain intact and reliable. You can tell them that it will, but demonstrating is better. Giving your kid the time and space to form their own connection to your new partner creates a foundation upon which new relationships can grow naturally.